I could use a little hope and change

With warm weather having finally arrived up here in the summer of my 54th year, the shorts and tank tops  freed at last from their basement boxes have led me to confront an issue I have been putting off for a number of years. It has now become impossible to ignore the fact that in order to gracefully carry 245 pounds on a six foot two inch Scots-Irish frame, you must be a twenty four year old NFL outside linebacker. I caught my reflection in the window the other day and what I saw looked like an albino silverback minus the hair and muscle tone wearing cargo shorts and a straw pork pie hat. Not exactly a visage of the virile, toned and tanned Sean Connery type that my minds eye has cleverly fooled me into believing is reality. It’s not that I am overly vain, it’s just that I am dangerously close to becoming one of those guys who must wear his T-shirt in the swimming pool in order to avoid frightening women and children.

If anyone knows a good work out program that is light on commitment and can produce quick and measurable results while I remain seated in front of my computer terminal with a cold bottle of suds, do a fella a solid and pass along the details.


8 responses to “I could use a little hope and change

  1. Amputation may be our only hope my friend.

  2. Great. A one legged albino silverback wearing cargo shorts and a straw pork pie hat. I’d look like a creamsicle with the wrapper half off.
    Tanks fur nuttin’.

    The hell are you doing up at this hour? Aren’t you from back easternage somewhere?

    • I work the graveyard shift. Last night I got off early. It’s totally ME time. No kids, no noise, nothing to bother me, not even sleep. I’m in Lancaster PA, so if the time stamp is from Planet Washington, that means it’s three hours ahead of you guys.

  3. Deck of cards workout to start. Google it and pick a routine. After getting your base strength and aerobic capacity up to speed, start on a kettlebell program. Mike Mahler is wicked sick for that.

  4. I like where you’re going here Daphne. Supply is plentiful in my rural area. There is always an endless list of things that need doing around here that a potent amphetamine could contribute towards. Not to mention certain “services” that toothless young women in search of a sugar daddy could provide for me in the “personal fulfillment” arena.


  5. I’ll look into it monkey man. Gotta’ do something here.

  6. Hey, my muffin tops are missing. In certain poses.

    Anyway, after July 4 it’s too late to worry about this stuff.

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