Bread & Circuses


While our elected representatives work ever more diligently to provide the free bread that the culturally anesthetized citizens of the modern day Rome demand, our “artists” continue to ensure that those citizens indeed remain dead meat from the neck up.

I saw an advertisement for this play at a local theater on the tube the other day that left me feeling like I imagine a fish must feel when yanked from the water and tossed on a hot sidewalk. Look, I don’t have anything against penis’ whether in practice or in principle. The “Johnson” is a perfectly ordinary “member in good standing” so to speak in the club of mammalian anatomy. They are however in my mind useful for two things and two things only. Pissing while standing, and fucking. Standing or otherwise. When the good citizens of the modern day Rome will pay good folding money to fill a theater for the opportunity to spend two hours watching naked actors…

“display their unusual natural abilities in the ancient Australian art of genital origami to hundreds of speechless audience members. Requiring amazing concentration, astonishing stamina,an unbelievable stretch factor and a remarkable level of testicular fortitude, this show leaves women and men gasping at over forty heroic and hilarious installations including The Pelican,  The Windsurfer, The Eiffel Tower, The Loch Ness Monster, and their signature installation, The Hamburger. A video camera projects intimate details of the installations onto a large screen ensuring little can be missed – even from the very back row!” 

I must admit I am a bit curious of what their “signature installation” might entail in an engineering sense, but when people willingly will trek downtown, struggle for parking, walk to the show house  in the driving rain, all in the service of observing the “heroic and hilarious” act of watching grown men play with themselves, well, I don’t have to see the show to be rendered speechless.


5 responses to “Bread & Circuses

  1. ‘Rome’ is such a scary place isn’t it?

    And the telling line: ‘I don’t have to see the show to be rendered speechless.’


    I like this one too:

    ‘They are however in my mind useful for two things and two things only. Pissing while standing, and fucking..’

    There you have it.






    • You miss my point Arthur.

      I’m not scared of actors dressing their noodles up in elaborate costumes, I am just rendered speechless by how boring and silly it is. To each his own I guess, but I can just imagine the missionary position only, sex every other Saturday night kind of people who would go out of their way to watch this because they think it is edgy or might fool their dates into thinking that they are other than sexually repressed prudes. Seems like something the Bellevue crowd might enjoy rather than an urbane city dweller like yourself.

      If I ever get the desire for costumed genitalia, I’m more of a do it yourselfer and would likely go for an Underdog outfit for myself with my wife’s unit playing the role of Sweet Polly Purebread.

      Just saying.

  2. Hmmm.

    Choose a film. Play. Book. Song. CD.

    Form a judgment based upon a brief description of said work of art rather than actually experiencing same.

    Extrapolate said judgment to include all the feeble sods who may be ‘tricked’ into reading, listening, watching said work of art (sexually repressed prudes in this instance) and pat yourself on the back for not being one of them. Of course some might argue that your failure to imagine more than the two approved uses of the male member is a reasonable definition of sexual repression.

    Just saying.

  3. Perhaps…perhaps.

    I’m not saying it should be banned or anything mind you. I’m a good libertarian so what ever blows your skirt. I’m just saying it’s a sad reflection on our culture that this is presented as art and that the proper reaction rather than fear or disgust is mockery.

    I imagine you would have the same sort of reaction I did if the actors stood on stage with their peckers dressed as the founding fathers reciting the Declaration of Independence with a huge projection of Kate Smith singing “God Bless America” playing in the background.

  4. Mockery indeed. It is amazing what passes for Art. Simply because some yob says he’s making art doesn’t make it so. 🙂

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