I have come to the realization this summer that I have lost my two boys. Not that they have gone missing or anything, I simply mean that suddenly they are not children any longer and somehow while my back was turned have jumped the fence into young manhood. In what seems just a day ago I made a jump of my own, putting a more carefree life aside and choosing to live for something bigger than myself. Being 38 and never married it was more like jumping out of a plane than over a fence, and now I find that after a joyous fifteen year freefall my chute has opened and I am gliding back to familiar ground. Back to the life left behind. Only that life no longer exists.
The ground is the same as before but the terrain will have changed completely by the time I touch down. As much as I will miss being the center of my children’s world in the years ahead, I will take solace in the certainty that they will forever be the center of mine. When I was 38 and heard the call “for whom shall I live my life”, I could very easily have said I will do as I have thus far and live it for myself. As I watch my two young men start on their life’s journeys I will be mindful of and grateful in the knowledge that not only do they represent two lives with infinite potential, but that in the miracle of their births they created within me a new life as well.