I think that you can tell a lot about a person by studying their high school yearbook photos. By the time we reach adulthood, we have become adept at wearing the masks of who we would like to be or how we would like others to see us rather than who we really are.

Let’s take a look at these pictures and see if we can make a few deductions.

Barry Obama
Explain to me again how this bastard child of a third rate African bureaucrat and a Peace Corp volunteer ended up POTUS? I’m still a little fuzzy on the math.

Joe Biden
Debating society, track team, class president, this guy could take a dump on the principals desk and the school paper would report it as delivery of a shiny apple. Reputation as a great guy but secretly ate his own boogers while Ben Gaying the jockstrap of the fat guy in gym class.

John McCain
john mccain
Enjoyed brutally hazing new plebes in order to ingratiate himself to upper classmen as only someone ranked last in his class can.

Norm Coleman
Whoa dude. If he’d had used this photo exclusively during his campaign he never would have lost to that douchebag Frankin.

Mike Huckabee
Big stoner. Tried his hand at dealing out of the back of his dads AMC Pacer during senior year but was forced to quit when his product earned the moniker “Nebraskansaw No-High”. After sampling a higher quality herb purchased from a kid named BJ and his lesbian friend Hillary on a visit to Little Rock, he got religion in a big way and joined a Jebus band.

Nancy Pelosi
Family had rumored Baltimore mob ties. Senior prom date was found “suicide” in a car trunk with fifteen stab wounds in the back after he had talked her into early enrollment at Hillsdale College. Shortly thereafter Nancy spent nine months at Sister Angelina’s Girl’s School for “personal reasons” before being sent to Berkley for finishing.

George Bush
Nick named “shitburn” due to an unfortunate incident involving heavy doses of Tequila and the attempted lifting of the principals desk to the roof of the horticulture portable, would do anything on a dare. Goaded into running for class president despite his less than stellar academic record and prominent mono-brow, he actually won due to his opponents constant droning regarding a coming ice age and the fact that he sounded “kind of gay”. Delegated his duties to the quiet smart kid from Colorado or somewhere while spending most of his time shotgunning beers and “clearing bush” if you know what I mean.

Jimmy Carter
Know as “Jimmy Jewpiter”, would roam the halls shouting about the coming rapture and how the Jews in class could atone for their sin of betraying Jesus by forking over their lunch money to brother Billy so he could buy a gas station, take over Standard Oil, and start his own middle eastern oligarchy, installing Jimmy as poobah to lead those wonderful Ayrabs to their rightful place as masters over those pesky Heebs.

Albert Gore
Once wore homemade SS uniform to homecoming dance and insisted everyone call him Albert Von Gorekenheimer. Lost his mind after losing class presidency to some kid with one eyebrow and was last seen shouting at telephone poles in downtown Seattle about the evils of excessive creosote.

Rodney Blogojevich
Captain of the math team although he had yet to pass entry level algebra, he was caught at the Spring dance by members of the lacrosse team in the bushes behind the gym attempting to receive oral sex from a passed out cheerleader. He explained that it wasn’t what it looked like as he thought that a little cockinmouth might revive the poor girl before someone took advantage. He was last seen as a well groomed grease spot on the highway out of town.

Michelle Robinson
Voted unanimously as the most beautiful high schooler to attend highschool in…well…forever, Michelle took the New York modeling world by storm and virtually changed the perception of the male idea of beauty by virtue of her beautiful beauty and massive beautiful brain power.
That’s what they said in the Times anyway.
Ended up marrying some community organizer from Chi-Town, had a couple of kids, destroying her stunning visage, and will more than likely live the rest of her life in obscurity.


6 responses to “Before…

  1. Daphne. Consider well your words, girl. Failure to swoon over the fabulousity of Mrs. O is a reportable offense, nearly as reprehensible as disrespect towards the policies of Mr. O. Spies may rat you out and Big Brother is always watching at Flag@whitehouse etc, etc.

    ‘Course you’ll probably be sharing a cell with me. I’ve got no respect for her record as a grant-and-tax slurping neopotism queen, and no matter how much she paid for them, I think the fake-flower belts and grandma couch-cushion print dresses are stupid.

    Plus she didn’t get her kids a Labrador Retriever. FAIL.

  2. So no high school yearbook pics of the kids. Check.

  3. hi thanks for share,i always came to visit ur Blog:)

  4. Pingback: Sarah Et Cetera » Free for All Friday 33

  5. George has a great smile. Al Gore looks like Clarke Kent and apparently thinks he is. The Obamas were and are fugly as hell. Michelle looks like she’s trying to do a Princess Leia with that barnet. And gotta say I’m not digging Norm. Joe Biden…odd, I thought men got better looking as they aged.

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