Bad Boss:

 angry boss

“Stick with me kid and you’ll be farting through silk underware”.

I’ve had worse bosses in terms of practiced incompetance or case studies in inbred nepotism but for shear cantankerous assholery, a certain bricklayer from the Tar-heel state by the name of “Grady” takes the prize as the hardest guy to get along with during work hours that I have  ever been around. If his cake hole was open it was blaring an off key symphony of the vilest insults against you, your parents, your ancestors, future progeny, friends, acquaintances, pets…..all the while  hammering into your skull in an equally profane manner the holy trinity of masonry; Square. Plumb. Level.

As a 17 year old hod carrier my primary responsibility was in keeping the mason supplied with bricks easily at hand and to mix and deliver the “mud” (mortar) at exactly the consistency he desired. And when I say “exactly” I mean that if after relaying the mud up the scaffolds via a shovel and 3’x3′ sheets of plywood known as mud-boards, if it arrived a bit drier or runnier than he was accustomed to I would find the mud-board, piled high with mortar mind you, flipped off of the scaffold and rocketing past me, if I was lucky, amid shouts of “mud’s too dry you worthless sack of shit!” At least twice an hour he would, after a particularly vicious assault on my breeding or sexuality or lack there of, laugh maniacally and yell “Stick with me kid and you’ll be fartin’ through silk underware!” as some sort of encouragement I guess. There wasn’t an hour that went by that I didn’t fantasize breaking one of those mud-boards over his mono-browed head and walking off the job. Somehow I managed to get through the summer and as my senior year of high school was commencing, I elected not to “stick” with Grady, silk underware or no.

Years later after learning the carpentry trade and running my own small general contracting company, I reminisced on that summer of hard work and bruised ego and came to a surprising conclusion.

I still hate that S.O.B. Grady with a passion and if I ever see him walking down the street I’ll do what I should have done when I was 17 and bust a piece of 3/4 inch ply over his thick tar-heel skull!


10 responses to “Bad Boss:

  1. Even the bad bosses have their purpose. I used to tell my young sailors that you can a great deal from the poor leaders about how not to do things.

    It still didn’t make working for them any easier.

  2. Grady was actually a very good mason and off work hours he was a pretty decent guy. On the clock however there was only one way, his way, to do things and you were expected to know it intuitively.

    One of the things I appreciate about guys like you who have served is that as young men you were not permitted to take off as soon as things got a little rough but had to stick it out until you figured out that maybe those old grouchy guys chewing your ass might actually know something worth while. You had to grow up a little faster than I did I’ll bet.

  3. I had a girl friend in high school who while working at the Dairy Queen had a guy come in and toss his junk on the counter. Unfortunately for him she had just finished scraping the grill with one of those big steel spatulas and still had it in hand. Talk about leaving an impression.

  4. Have you noticed the look of quiet desperation on the womans face in those Extenze commercials? It’s like she’s thinking “I really don’t care, but of course I do care, but if I say I care you’ll likely throw yourself in front of a bus and if I say I don’t care you’ll think I’m lying because, well, let’s face it, I am lying because everybody knows that your gloves feel a little better when they fit tight and… well… do we have to talk about this on TV?”

  5. Thanks to my wife’s smaller than average stature and my rather large noggin, both my boys came into the world with heads resembling oranges on toothpicks so c-sections were the order of the day. I’m sure it was no consolation at the time but she didn’t have to remodel the garage.
    Gung ho?! That guy is so jazzed he’s convinced himself a lagniappe in the shorts will turn him into Ron Jeremy. Course I saw that guy go down on himself once in a movie so that would theoretically let her off the hook.

  6. I swear I saw it! I think the dude has a double jointed spine or something.
    Chica chica baow baow, chica baow baow.
    On that note it’s off to little league practice!

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